Talkin' Shit About A Pretty Sunset

Hello fans of Talkin' Shit About a Pretty Sunset!

I began taking karate about six months ago. Actually, it's taekwondo, which I'm told is Korean for "smashing things with the feet and hands". How come some languages can encompass a phrase like "smashing things with the feet and hands" in three short words? Hell if I know.

Anyway, I take classes at Yong Studios in Tenleytown. How did I come to choose martial arts? Well, I decided I was too fucking fat and that I needed a sport. I went to the Yahoo! directory page and found an alphabetical list of about 200 sports, and began the winnowing process. Archery? No thanks, I don't do well with sharp, pointy objects. Badminton? No thanks -- those birdies are dangerous as shit! They look harmless but when they're comin' at YO FACE at like 100 mph you'll think differently. Curling? Uh, no. Not a real sport. "Sweep! Sweep! Sweep like you've never swept before!" Gimme a break.

Finally I settled on taekwondo. It costs $109/month and I go an average of twice a week. You start off as a white belt, which I hope does not have some creepy-ass Maoist significance ("a blank sheet of paper can have the prettiest new pictures drawn on it" or whatever the fucked up quote is). Last month I graduated to gold belt, and in June, if everything goes well, I'll become a green belt.

In short: don't fuck with me! If you see me walking on the sidewalk, I suggest you cross to the other side because I will fuck you up just for looking at me funny! I'm crazy as shit! Just kidding, you could probably still kick my ass, whoever you are.

- Olry Vibhor, TSAPS' Guest Blogger For A Week